"How do strippers do it? They really must have so much cardio."

Oh chocolate. You've gotta be more like cilantro. Or Dub Step. A love or hate kind of thing. Because this ambiguous middle ground that I am feelin' for you right now is very confusing.
Chocolate demo: kind of frustrating. Not that inspiring.
Chocolate day: Kind of frustrating. Not as gratifying as I was expecting. Wanted to throw my chocolate writing AT somebody.
My chocolate-related imagination: Totally Wicked.

Chef put some bugs in my brain by the mere mention that things could be done with chocolate beyond what I've seen at Purdy's (which I would venture to say is one of the least imaginative chocolate shops ever. Which is not to say that it's not good.). Like instead of a ganache with cream and dark chocolate, you do it with passionfruit puree and milk chocolate?! Amazeballs. No kidding. Even tempering, which I was beyond unexcited for, was really pretty relaxing. And almost instantaneous. If you ever decide to try tempering at home (which I would probably just tell you to buy tempered chocolate), it will likely not take you long -unless your house is like Dante's Inferno. I dumped my chocolate on the marble, fooled around with my offset spatulas for like two minutes and the chocolate was already hardening. Back in the bowl and onto the ganache.

But flavours! Boundless. Which I knew but at the same time, there is so much I haven't even considered. Adding flavouring to a ganache is typically alcohol even though you could use nut pastes, and syrups if you so desired. The alcohol we used was pretty much cleaning solution. You took the lid off and instantly the kitchen smelled like a casino: just alcohol and sweat. But think about using a spiced rum, or a bourbon. Chef told me you could get tobacco truffles. Which I WANT. As in, not optional. You could do an Irish Car Bomb truffle. You WOULD fall down but man would that be tasty. And worth it. The things I love about what foodie culture has contributed to the culinary world is a creativity and a playfulness to flavour and texture combinations. Not that that aspect wasn't present before but now you have this demographic desperately seeking it out.

Like rosemary chocolate truffles. Or lemon rind cacao nib chocolates. Why am I dreaming about this? I pretty much everything about chocolate including it's mother on Thursday. Whatever.

My dark chocolate truffles and Lex's white chocolate truffles. Chef complimented our properly tempered coating but my ganache had a chunk of solid chocolate at the base from when my ganache set unevenly on the marble. That's what is known in the culinary world as 'not paying attention'.

Today we made Dobos Strips, prepped petit fours and made rolled fondant for our cake decorating days next week. I know that I will feel as if I have been transported back to elementary school when I was trying desperately to do one of those stupid grid pictures. Art + Math = no thanks. People will walk past my station, squint, clear their throats and then ask, "What is that?" at which point I will probably growl, insult them in my internal monologue and reply, "I'm not done yet." But of course we all know, I will never be done. Because it was supposed to be a  teapot, why does it look like a cactus?! That's it! I'm being a librarian!

…

I'm really aiming for something realistically achievable next week. Employing a lot of cut outs. Stencils. Bands of fondant. Like scrapbooking but with cakes. And not like Michael's scrapbooking where you pay $3 for a sheet of patterned paper. But like, Drunken Craft night scrapbooking where you cut out your friend's face and put a Powerpuff Girl sticker on them. That kind. Just trying to keep it interesting.

This is my Dobos Strip, which is a kind of petit four. My friend Danielle accurately described it as my cake having 'toast on the top'. Which I think is mortifyingly accurate and totally hilarious. This is what a Dobos is supposed to look like (once again put to shame by Smitten Kitchen. This woman has a two year old!)

And then we hand made rolled fondant. Or I made three batches of fondant. We had a couple people absent and so Chef asked me to make a second batch after I finished my first one. "Yours is good", he said to which I wanted to reply, "Totes a fluke Chef". But I don't think 'totes' is in Chef's vocabulary. So I did a second. And then he was going to do a double batch in the Hobart. So I did that one too. Hopefully, in my future I will look back on this day and I will say, "I am glad I got so much practice on fondant because otherwise I would be in a real pickle right now." Because in my future, I will STILL be lending from profanity and so I will STILL be talking like a Precious Moments doll and my life will be hard.

I also made caramel sauce last night that is so bitter that I need to throw it out but I want to save it so it's in my fridge. I talked to Chef about it and he's going to demo caramel sauce three different ways for me on Monday! I will be a caramel genius and Moozh will love me for it! And then I may just inch above Indian Food for first place rank in Moozh's heart. It'll be temporary but it will be a success!

Guess who's hilarious? Daily Grace! I want to be her. Especially in the kitchen.

Find some fries. Melt chocolate over them. Eat it standing in the kitchen, preferably in the dark. Exclaim over the redemption. Repeat.