Mary Jane, The Ape and The Chipsy King

Amsterdam. 
The land of windmills and wooden clogs. Home to almost 900,000 bicycles, almost as many as residents. "Venice of the North" with SWAGGER. 
We were there for a mere sixteen hours and we spend our next day of travel trying to figure out how we could get back there before we leave Europe. A dynamic city. We all know the reputation of Amsterdam. The Red Light District, the legalized marijuana. Most of the stories that I've heard about visits to Amsterdam followed the 'friend of a friend of mine' model. 
"A friend of mine came back from Amsterdam and his eyes were just dead."
"I knew a girl who came back from Amsterdam and was never the same again."
Spooky.
And funny because when I was in Amsterdam, the sun was out, kids were riding their bikes along the canals and people were warm and eager to talk to us and help us with directions. That doesn't even happen in Vancouver! Apparently, it's one of the top 25 safest cities in the world. I'm sure Tijuana and the capital of the Congo didn't make that list but top 25 is pretty good. I will say I saw more Fleshlights and latex breasts than I have ever seen in my life.

I saw maybe a handful of people who's eyes looked like a red river map. They had probably been sitting in the "coffeeshops" for eight hours straight. And they were probably Canadian. Granted, I have no idea what it's like to LIVE there. What the day to day feels like. What it feels like to send your kids to school, to pay taxes, commute to work. But chances are it doesn't feel all that different from wherever you are. Many different kinds of people manage to coexist with others who conduct their life so very differently and do it just fine. Amsterdam is very urban but it has this laid back feel. And so much activity is centred around the canals. Probably because the city is centred around the canals. But people will park their bikes and hang their legs over the edge of the sidewalks and paint a picture, read a book, drink some beer.

Amsterdam's bike culture is the best I've ever seen, no question. Massive lots of rental bikes are available all over the city and there's probably always one close to you. But the culture itself is perfect. People have bike bells, they somehow indicate to cars which way their going, they are mindful of pedestrians.

Our luck turned a little bit right out the gate. We packed up the camera, the clouds are burning up to clear the sky. The sun is bright and glinting off the water. It's a beautiful Tuesday. We turn on the camera, or we try. The battery's dead. We try again, just to be sure. Nothing. So we pull out our iPhones and decide to make the best of it.

So forth on to our Waiting in Line segment. This is where our luck with Bourdain started to go south, in a way that extends beyond Amsterdam. Our friend Ali told us that if we're going to hit Amsterdam we should try to do a Pannenkoek house. Not sure which to take in, Bourdain found one called the "Upstairs Pancake House" that he featured on his show "The Layover". Armed with a microscopic map from our hotel, we wandered out into the canals to try our best to find it. In our explorations of the city, we got a little turned around and when we would ask for directions, no one had heard about it. About an hour into our search, after giving up and buying back in, we finally stumble upon it only to find that it's closed for the day.
Ok, plan B.
Bourdain also talked about this cafe called "The Ape" where the owner reportedly used to buy and sell -or barter depending on the story you hear- wild animals for goods. A large, well labelled fold out map probably would have been helpful here but it also would have been helpful if I had written the address down instead of adopting the, "It's in that area. It should be easy to find" model of discovery. This time we walked around for easily two hours. Could not find it for the life of us. We haven't eaten at all and our low blood sugar is affecting our problem solving skills, to be polite. Everyone we ask gives us the same look of, "Ape? Like the monkey? No......no, I've never heard of it."
Not a second after I have snarled that I don't want to find this stupid cafe anymore, I storm around the corner only to be faced, in the flesh, The Ape, or Cafe Int Aepjen. We go in for our requisite, cold, 2 Euro Heineken while we figure out what we're going to do for food. The sun is setting now. We've only got one night in Amsterdam and so how are we going to remember it. We walk past a few "coffeeshops" and then decide on something to assuage our munchies at a frites place called "The Chipsy King".

The city becomes extremely tongue in cheek after dark, light up in 'red' and white. But it always maintained the instantaneous fusion of local and foreign, of blasé and taboo. We passed two separate tour groups, each of octogenarians, walking through the Red Light District after dark, eyeing up the 'window girls' and listening as their tour guide explained what the frig is going on. 

We made our 'coffeeshop' purchase and headed home. Across from our hotel, one cafe overlooks the water across from the Nemo Science Centre. Multicoloured string lights go up over picnic tables, dotting the water like pointilism, carrying the ripple of the water in technicolor.

Only having one night is part of what draws us back to the city. We would have done a canal tour. We would have gone to see the Van Gogh museum. We would have taken in a night of great jazz at Bimhuis. We would have watched the sun set over the water with a bottle of wine. We would have had pancakes. We would have taken better pictures.

Go ride a bike. Talk to a stranger. Drink a cold Heineken on a hot day.

Things I learned in Amsterdam:
Marijuana should be legalized.
The most captivating cities are the ones that can successfully tread the line of old and new, vintage and modern.
Sometimes expectations are not lived up to but the moment will always surprise you.
Mayo is decent on fries.

Quote from Amsterdam:
Me: "I can now say I would so much rather be drunk than high."